Let’s get one thing straight: I am not a fan of Christmas. I am basically the Grinch. Bah humbug, merry kiss my arse and all that.

I put my ill-feelings towards this season down to a 15-odd-year frontline hospitality career, dealing with one office party after another. For me, Christmas Day was a tiny chance to recover (if I was lucky) before Hospo Nightmare Number Two: New Year’s Eve.

But however you feel about it, now that we’re down to the final 12 Days of Christmas, I say we all need some of “Santa’s Little Helper” to get us through the chaos, overly exuberant cheer (seriously, how are people that damn cheerful?) and, of course, to help you deal with that office douchebag.

Here’s my 12 Days of Christmas drinking guide to get you through the final days of the “festive” season.

December 14th
Melbourne’s hot weather has done a sterling job of distracting you from the fact Christmas is under two weeks away. But don’t fight it; embrace it. Head to Bar Liberty‘s Drinkwell and order a bag of Patrick Sullivan’s Rosé.

It’s pink for goodness’ sake. Not even you can drink it in bad mood.

December 15th
It’s the second-last Friday of work for the year, and your last opportunity to get a few things done before the Christmas party onslaught hits. Celebrate by taking your favourite customer or client out for a light lunch. A bit of chargrilled octopus drizzled with lemon and a glass of foine white woine might do the trick.

Try a little Greek number. It will remind you of where you’d rather be,

December 16th
The penultimate Saturday night before the big day means it’s likely your final chance for a Tinder date. So go on, buy that bottle of Pinot Noir (we recommend the Moondarra) — everyone knows Pinot makes you sexy. But don’t go too crazy on the dollars. Next time you catch up it’ll be 2018 and with that new year will come a “new me” mentality. She’ll either not be drinking, or be ready to swipe on.

December 17th
There is a flurry of activity around town and most responsible people are finishing off their Christmas shopping. But you’re not most people, so instead you avoid the crowds and head to the pub in search of the one thing that will never disappoint you: Beer.

And gee, the Sample Brew you picked is good. Don’t worry about your Christmas shopping for the moment. You’ll get it done during the week when it’s less crowded. For sure you will.

December 18th
There’s a week until Christmas and that friend who holds your group of mates together has decided tonight is the night you all have to catch up for a festive drink. An early-evening picnic has been dictated, so you’re going to need a couple of tinnies. But you don’t want beer — this calls for something stronger. Head to Meatsmith and pick up a couple of Continental Deli’s Martinnies. Genius.

December 19th
The office Christmas party. But before you can get stuck into the overpriced function wine at lunch, the self-appointed Culture Captain of the office has put together a bunch of activities all in the name of team building. Thankfully you snuck in a little hand grenade in the form of a 500ml bottle of Brian to make it bearable.

December 20th
Item number one on today’s agenda: Get an Aperol Spritz immediately, otherwise your hangover from last night’s staff party may literally kill you. This “adult Fanta” is the perfect morning elixir and will go a long way to getting the taste of regret out of your mouth. If anyone questions you in the office, remind them that IT’S JUST A SPRITZ and technically doesn’t count as alcohol.

And, god, why do your hamstrings hurt so much? Oh, that’s right. You got a little excited doing an impassioned rendition of Queen’s ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ at that underground karaoke bar at 3am. Nice work, champ.

December 21st
In the cold hard light of Thursday, the Christmas party hangover fog is finally retreating. Your memory is beginning to come back and judging by the looks you’re getting around the office, most of theirs have come back too. Oh dear.

Your best move is to grab your credit card and head straight to Blackhearts & Sparrows as it’s time to repent. And what better way to say “Sorry, I got drunk and nude at the staff party” is to buy a bottle of Champagne to share with the team.

December 22nd
Yay! It’s Kris Kringle day at work and Barry from Accounts drew you. Despite you having no idea who he actually is, he saw on Instagram that you liked wine so bought a bottle of Sparkling Shiraz in an attempt to bond and find common ground.

But as a self-respecting ‘foodie’, you know sparkling red is gross and while you’d normally re-gift it to that family member who voted ‘no’, on closer inspection Bazza (as you now call him) actually nailed it and got you a bottle of Chalmers Lambrusco. Nice one.

December 23rd
The year is pretty much over so you and a few other like-minded souls decide on a cheeky mid-afternoon Negroni. The inspired alchemy of Campari, gin and vermouth makes for the perfect tipple to get you through the final couple of days. It’s also a timely reminder that you need to restock the bar at home, so you pick up a bottle each of Four Pillars Gin, Okar (an Australian-made amaro, aka Campari equivalent), and Maidenii vermouth on your way.

December 24th
Crap. It’s the day before Christmas and you haven’t done any shopping. Again. For the fifth year in a row.

You’re going to need a generous measure of Starward whisky and you’re going to need it immediately, as it’s the only way to deal with the hell that is Chadstone Shopping Centre. Why on earth do you do this every year? I mean seriously, here you are again in the middle of suburbia buying scented candles and satin boxer shorts as it’s all you can think of to buy right now.

Hold tight buddy, it’s always darkest before the dawn.

December 25th
And so the big day arrives. Not with sleigh bells and carols, but with the very loud beeping of your alarm. There is only one way to get through today. Drink Champagne and not in moderation.

It’s going to be a long day and despite your initial grumpiness, you literally cannot drink Champagne and stay that way. It’s impossible. It’s bubbly, vibrant, refreshing and will add a citrus kick to those prawns and oysters you stood an hour in line for at the market yesterday.

Suddenly, everything feels better. You know, maybe this Christmas thing isn’t so bad after all. You’re surrounded by not only your family, but your friends, too.

So make that bottle a magnum. Because magnums show commitment.

The phrase “No one has a monopoly on busy” is one I seem to use a lot. But last week it was thrown right back at me by a friend who was chasing me (again) for information that she needed — information that would be beneficial to me, too (it’s on its way, Angela!). And my response to her?

“I’m busy.”

In my defence, I’ve been working hard trying to get enough done that I’ll be able to take a well-earned break over Christmas, and come back refreshed in the new year.

But even as I used this all-too-familiar excuse, I could feel how poor it sounded. And it got me thinking about what I regard as the single most important piece of business advice I’ve ever received.

Allow me tell you a story.

It was about three years ago, and I was having one of those weeks. Everything was just a bit too much. So what did I do? Grabbed a glass of wine (or six) with my wine legend mate Andrea Frost, and tried to complain the stress away.

I dumped all of my woes, frustrations, doubts, challenges, and general stresses surrounding my (then) fairly new business right onto her. Once I was done, Andrea turned to me and said:

“Dan. You need to remember, no one asked you to do this.”

I was floored. Silenced. I’d just been dealt a proverbial tsunami of truth.

No one asked me to run one wine event (let alone multiple events in various cities and countries) in the same way no one asked you to plant grapes and make wine. Or open that shop or start that brand or other business. The world will go on quite well without any of us.

We are the only people who decided to do this thing. So it’s up to me to take responsibility for mine and own it, and for you to own yours.

Don’t get me wrong — I get it. Business is a tough, relentless, all-consuming beast. It can be lonely and sometimes all you want to do is scream, “What the FUCK am I doing this for?!”

But we both know we wouldn’t have it any other way because we bloody love what we do. And if you don’t love what you do, then stop doing it right now.

This advice was, for me, truly humbling and brought me back into the present reality. Much like the ancient Roman generals who ordered slaves to stand behind them after a victorious battle and whisper repeatedly, “You are still mortal.”

We are all busy.

We’re all working our butts off trying to get things done and the struggle is very real. But remember, in those moments of small business panic, breathe and whisper the words “No one asked me to do this.” Make it your mantra. Then, regroup and get on with it.

No one has a monopoly on busy. Even at this time of year.

“Want to know what it’s really like to be an entrepreneur? Well, let me tell you. It’s hard. It’s fucking lonely,” says Gary Vaynerchuk, kicking off his keynote at the Business Squared event at the MCEC.

For those in the know, Gary is a formidable online force whose fast-talking, forward-thinking ideas and perspective have made him into one of the planet’s most sought-after public speakers.

For the wine folk among us, you will no doubt remember him from his Wine Library TV episodes (of which there are over a thousand) and will recall how capably he commands your attention.

So, as he took stage at Business Squared, the full house was literally on its feet and cheering. It was clear it was he, out of all the speakers, who they were there to see. So was I.

On a day which seemed full of self-congratulatory, ‘I can make you a million if you buy my $4000 program’ speakers, Gary’s humble approach was a welcome reprieve.

“Empathy is a strength, not a weakness,” he begins, telling us that mindfulness and self-awareness are the anchors in any successful business. Hard work, rather than a ‘Look at me and my fucking bling on social’ attitude, is how you make it. “Get on team optimism, not pessimism.” Amen, brother.

His insights, incredibly well-articulated, came at us thick and fast and we couldn’t help but feel a sense of urgency and excitement to just get out there and do it.

“If you do not learn all you can about Facebook, Instagram and audio right this second, you will miss it all,” he implored. “The speed and pace of now is phenomenal. Do not get left behind. Put the work in or you’ll be replaced and you’ll regret it. And regret is death.”

The urgency in which he says this is contagious. “The technology we’re seeing right now is everything. It’s oxygen. It’s coming and sure, I get it, learning about it is like learning how to swim in a tsunami.”

As we spend 50% of our time on a mobile device staring at social media, it is all about the ‘currency of attention’. We need to be where the eyeballs are. And Facebook and Instagram is (still) where it’s at.

“Information is worthless. Experience is the game as we have everything at our finger tips and in our pockets. Experience becomes vitally important in capturing and maintaining attention. Compelling storytelling is key here. ‘Content, content, content,’ may be the catch cry, but to be effective it must be compelling.”

What’s next, says Gary, is a very emphatic call to audio. Why? Because “it trades on selling us back time”. Time that we are so limited with. “If you haven’t got a podcast yet, do it.”

Sales of Amazon’s Echo and Google Home are going nuts (Alexia is already in 11 million homes in the USA), so we’ll be having those in our homes increasingly more in the next three to four years. Do yourself a favour and learn an Alexia skill right NOW, he says.

But whether it be Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Youtube, Snapchat, Spotify, blogging, vlogging, podcasting, or whatever, do it all. But make it compelling.

Because if you don’t, “You’re going to miss the greatest attention land-grab we’ve ever seen”.

Why does he give away these insights? “Because 99% of you won’t do anything with them”.

Will you?